I hope you are taking good care of yourself and you are feeling supported in your community.

I am taking the opportunity this week to answer a few questions that folks submitted to me via Instagram. I love being able to respond to your inquiries and provide some perspective from an attachment lens about your experiences. Thank you for your vulnerability and trust!

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 17, 2021attachment styles, attachment theory, avoidant partner, avoidant attachment style, avoidant, healthy relationships, healthy communication in relationships, relational patterns Comment

Why Consistency Matters

If you’ve been around Heirloom for a while, you already know this but I think it’s important to share again: connected relationships require the presence of intentional behaviors just as much as the absence of unhealthy patterns.

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 30, 2021anxious attachment, attachment styles, attachment theory, anxious-avoidant, anxious avoidant dynamic, avoidant attachment style, secure attachment style, secure attachment, Cultivating Secure AttachmentComment

Online Course Sale, Updates, and TEND!

I have some updates for you this week!

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 19, 2021online courses, online course, avoidant partner, avoidant attachment style, avoidant, anxious, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, anxious avoidant dynamic, sec, secure attachment style, secure attachment relationship, diComment

How I Use Attachment Theory

This post feels important to me. I hope it lands for you, too—and as usual, I am open to your feedback and thoughts. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for reading.

As a white woman creating material to support folks who are interested in healing their early attachment wounds and creating healthy adult relationships, I want to emphasize that I am not the end-all-be-all when it comes to this work. I approach attachment theory in a very specific way (one that I hope brings a lens of compassion and justice through relational health and fulfillment) and there are many other approaches that are just as valid and important.

Elizabeth GilletteJune 28, 2021attachment theory, attachment style, social justice, equity, anxious-avoidant, anxious avoidant dynamic, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, secure attachment, secure attachment relationship, secure attachment style, Cultivating Secure AttachmentComment

Flexibility and Secure Relationships

The themes of flexibility and patience have been up for me lately. Do you ever notice how the same lessons keep coming up over and over again until we finally learn them? For me, the lessons related to flexibility and patience usually have to do with reworking all of my big plans, pivoting last minute, WAITING (the worst!), and soooo many deep breaths.

Elizabeth GilletteJune 8, 2021secure attachment style, secure attachment relationship, attachment theory, attachment, attachment styles, Cultivating Secure Attachment Comments

Attachment Work is Worth It

My partner and I were recently discussing our time in couples therapy a few years ago. I’m not sure how we stumbled on the subject, but it was sweet to recall where we were at that time in our relationship and all the progress we’ve made and the growth we’ve experienced since that time. I’m going to be honest—we were struggling. We had gotten married just a few months earlier and all of a sudden it felt like (pardon my language) shit got real. We knew that if we continued engaging in the pattern of having a big argument, feeling resentful and frustrated with no solution, moving on and trying to ignore the problem, then starting all over again, our relationship would be so damaged we might not be able to come back from it.

Elizabeth GilletteMay 10, 2021attachment styles, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious partner, anxious avoidant dynamic, avoidant partner, avoidant dismissive, avoidant, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, avoidant attachmentComment

Is there a problem in my relationship or am I just avoidant?

Hello! I received this question from someone I’m connected with and I wanted to spend some time answering. When we find ourselves at a crossroads in a relationship and we are aware of how our insecure attachment styles can arise and potentially sabotage us, it can be challenging to determine where the desire to leave a relationship is coming from. Let’s dive in!

Elizabeth GilletteApril 26, 2021avoidant attachment style, attachment style, avoidant attachment, avoidant partner, avoidant dismissive, avoidant, signs an avoidant loves you Comment

How Not to Lose Yourself in a Relationship

I used to be a person who would lose herself in romantic partnerships. And to be honest, over the past 14 months of being a mother and experiencing a global pandemic, I’ve felt whispers of those times in my life. Who am I anymore? What do I like? What is it like to maintain some of my energy for myself rather than constantly investing it in others?

Elizabeth GilletteApril 12, 2021anxious, anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious partner, anxious attachment style, secure attachment, secure attachment relationshipComment

Don't believe you're lovable? Read this.

If you have read my blog posts about attachment theory, healthy relationships, and doing your personal work to show up as your best self in your community and wondered how you could possibly deserve to be in a loving partnership or be appreciated for who you are, you’re in the right place.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 23, 2021healthy relationships, attachment theory, you are worthy, you are worthy of love Comments

Do people with secure attachment even exist?

When we are working on our own relationship patterns, it can be challenging to see how anyone might be able to relate securely or fully show up in partnerships because it really does take conscious effort.

And of course, after you’ve been doing your relational work for a while and you’re looking for a relationship that is truly secure, you realize there are lots of folks out there who haven’t discovered attachment work just yet—and it shows.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 8, 2021avoidant attachment style, attachment theory, attachment styles, attachment style, secure attachment style, secure attachment relationshipComment

Are you intentionally cultivating healthy relationships?

One of the things I’ve learned as I have engaged in attachment work is that healthy relationships don’t just happen—we have to cultivate them. Even relationships that naturally fall into place in our lives require our care and attention. Eventually, they will need us to invest in them and devote our time and energy to helping them grow.

So why not start now?

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 23, 2021attachment, secure attachment, attachment styles, secure attachment style, emotional safety, healthy communication in relationships, secure attachment relationship, effective communication in relationships, improving communication in a relationshipComment

The Role of Attachment Styles in Relationships

This week, I’m answering some questions about the role of attachment styles in our relationships. I love having some time and space to answer your questions because they are always so insightful! I hope you find this helpful.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 9, 2021secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, attachment styles in relationships, types of attachment Comment

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