Are you intentionally cultivating healthy relationships?
Hi!
One of the things I’ve learned as I have engaged in attachment work is that healthy relationships don’t just happen—we have to cultivate them. Even relationships that naturally fall into place in our lives require our care and attention. Eventually, they will need us to invest in them and devote our time and energy to helping them grow.
So why not start now?
Maybe this realization has been illuminated by the pandemic, too. As we all struggle to find our new sense of normal and we navigate the challenges of isolation in our relationships and communities, putting effort into the relationships that matter most to us (where we are able given the circumstances) is more important than ever. In this way, simple things can have a large impact. A text or card saying “I’m thinking of you and I love you” can change the trajectory of someone’s day and deeply nourish your relationship with that person. You may not be able to be fully present in that relationship at this moment, but you are acknowledging it, giving it love and care, and reminding the person on the other end of the relationship that you are there for them.
What are your relationship values?
Aligning ourselves fully with our values is the most effective way to ensure that the relationships that are the most important to us are thriving.
So how do we align with our relational values?
First, determine your relationship values. They may be different than the ones listed below, and that’s okay! The important part is that you know what matters to you. If you are in a partnership, it can be a sweet activity to sit down together and identify your relationship values together. Just because your values are different doesn’t mean there is a problem in your relationship—it may be helpful to work together to identify the ways that your values overlap and align in your daily life.
Now that you are clear about your values, notice where your energy is going.
If you desire security, are you consistently putting your energy into relationships that really matter to you?
If you want others to be honest with you, are you being direct and clear in your communication?
If you value trust, are you showing up as your best self even when your partner isn’t watching?
Sometimes, the energy we are putting in isn’t fully in alignment with our values—and simply shifting that can make an enormous difference in how our partnerships, friendships, and family dynamics feel to us.
How can you align with the qualities of secure relating to improve your dating life, family system, and/or partnership? Identifying just one value and making that a focus for the relationships in your life will pay dividends.
Sending you lots of comfort and care this week!
Warmly,
Elizabeth