You may have heard that Western North Carolina was hit by Hurricane Helene, hundreds of miles from any coast, and the outcomes have been beyond devastating. To say the damage to the place we live is catastrophic doesn't even seem to scratch the surface of what our community is experiencing.
Read MoreIt’s important for us to understand our parts and what they are trying to do when we are using an attachment lens. These parts can give us so much information about our needs and what would be helpful and supportive to us in our current relationships (or inform us about what we really want and need in a partnership if we aren’t in one currently and want to be).
Read MoreOur environment is one of constant distraction, overwhelm, dysregulation and the desire to be almost anywhere that you are not currently. What if our work is to learn to channel those feelings into what matters most and let go of the rest?
Read MoreI’ve received a few strongly-worded emails about my offerings (including the fact that Monica and I are including a bonus astrology reading in our HELD group coaching program, because astrology is not "evidence-based"), and I wanted to address it directly because I feel like it connects to some greater issues that I see at play in the therapy/healing world currently.
Read MoreIn this eclipse time, where the things we don’t need are falling away left and right, I want to offer some permission slips for you:
Read MoreOne of the things I love most about being an attachment therapist and working with attachment styles is teaching clients and their important people how to soothe the specific wounds of each style. Depending on your relationships growing up, you likely experience certain aspects of relationships as particularly painful, tender, or vulnerable.
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As I’ve been researching and planning for our disorganized attachment offerings, I’ve been thinking about how easy it can be to slip into younger versions of ourselves when stress, trauma, fear, or overwhelm creep in. Parts work, or Internal Family Systems, can be a beautiful and extremely helpful framework for understanding why we show up the way we do in moments of stress and anxiety—especially in our relationships.
Safety, clarity, and connection are qualities that create a grounded experience in the nervous system. When confusion and disorientation are corrected (clarity), the body and brain feel safe (safety), and the ability to connect is freed up (connection). Over the many years I’ve been exploring attachment work and supporting clients in developing a felt sense of safety in their bodies, these are the aspects that have resonated most.
Read MoreThe style that is discussed the least, and is also deeply misunderstood, is the disorganized/fearful avoidant attachment adaptation. In many realms, I think people don’t want to talk about this style because of the complexity it can bring up.
Read MoreOne of the things I share with clients all the time is the reminder that we come by our attachment patterning honestly. When we dig more deeply into this idea, we can recognize the importance of the family dynamics we experience when we are young and how those patterns shape our relationships as adults. So often, the stress of daily living becomes the soup we swim in as children.
Read MoreI have a bit of a controversial opinion: maybe we should be investing in the relationships we have instead of fantasizing about something better.
Read MoreI have been thinking a lot about how I used to think I had to hold space for EVERYTHING. It wasn't long ago that my boundaries were messy and I was overly accommodating. I caused myself a significant amount of anxiety (not to mention drama and ways to keep myself busy) by engaging in relational dynamics that were unhealthy and unpredictable.
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