Navigating the Shame of Self-Abandonment | Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E10

In this episode of Becoming Relational, we explore shame, self abandonment, and how breaking people-pleasing patterns can transform your relationships. I'm sharing honestly about something that took me years to understand: how shame and self abandonment are deeply connected. I explore my own experience of hitting rock bottom and the slow, sometimes painful journey of finding my way back to myself. We talk about how so many of us have been socialized to put everyone else first, why the word "selfish" can feel the worst thing you could be called, and what it actually takes to stop abandoning yourself in relationships. I also open up about how changing my own patterns shifted the way others showed up for me — and why I believe that's worth every bit of discomfort along the way.

Elizabeth GilletteApril 7, 2026attachment style, attachment theory, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, healthy relationships, attachment coaching, attachment specialist, advocacy, community supportComment

I Want You to Step Into Your Agency

Can I tell you a story about a girl who used to have a REALLY hard time in relationships?

She wanted to be in a relationship SO BADLY. She wanted to feel loved and respected. She wanted connection and to receive emotional support, and to give it, too. She tended to choose people who were emotionally distant or maybe needed to be convinced that they were ready for a relationship. This pattern didn’t work out well for her.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 27, 2026self abandonment, self-betrayal, self-awareness, attachment styles, anxious attachment style, insecure attachment, elizabeth gilletteComment

Self-Abandonment Ends Here

I recently shared on the Becoming Relational podcast that I’ve been struggling with feelings of low self-worth and doubt—a crisis of confidence! I predicted this would happen when I signed the contract to write my new book. I knew that this level of devotion to something so important to me would challenge me in ways I hadn’t been challenged yet. I’m familiar with this territory, so I know it’s temporary, but that doesn’t mean it’s not tough when it happens.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 26, 2026self abandonment, self-betrayal, anxious attachment, insecure attachment, anxious avoidant dynamic, attachment trauma, attachment therapy, attachment styles, elizabeth gillette, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, come home to yourselfComment

Self-Abandonment in Relationships: Understanding Attachment Styles, Setting Boundaries, and Prioritizing Your Needs | Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E9

Self-abandonment, people-pleasing, insecure attachment—in this episode, I'm exploring a pattern I see every single day in my therapy and coaching practice, and one I've struggled with myself.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 24, 2026attachment style, attachment theory, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, healthy relationships, attachment coaching, attachment specialist, advocacy, community supportComment

How to Feel Worthy When You're Insecure | Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E8

Today, I’m sharing about my personal journey with self-worth and confidence, and how attachment theory has supported me in navigating unworthiness and insecurity. I’ve been wrestling with feelings of unworthiness lately, a familiar struggle with believing that I belong and that what I offer truly matters. If you've ever felt like you're not enough or wondered how to show up authentically when self-doubt takes hold, I hope this episode supports you. I explore the transformative question that changed everything, shared with me by a former therapist. I also offer practical strategies for building self-trust from the inside out, setting healthy boundaries, recognizing when we're seeking external validation to fill internal emptiness, and cultivating the self-compassion and emotional security we all deserve.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 10, 2026attachment style, attachment theory, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, healthy relationships, attachment coaching, attachment specialist, advocacy, community support

Why You Should Invest in the Relationships You Have: Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E7

Today I’m exploring relationship repair, secure attachment, and relationship disconnection—and why investing in the relationships you already have, rather than constantly searching for something new, might be the most revolutionary choice you can make. Let’s discuss how to navigate relationship disconnection, practice intentional repair, and build resilient, secure relationships through accountability and compassion.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 24, 2026attachment style, attachment theory, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, healthy relationships, attachment coaching, attachment specialist, advocacy, community supportComment

What Your Nervous System Wants

Let’s explore nervous system regulation and how understanding your unique nervous system can transform your relationships and daily life. I discuss attachment styles, nervous system health, and practical tools for emotional regulation that you can use right away.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 17, 2026attachment theory, attachment style, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, healthy relationships, community support, advocacy, attachment coaching, attachment specialistComment

Make Your Community Your Valentine This Year: Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E5

Becoming better at relationships doesn't just mean intimate partnerships--it's also about how you show up for your community and support your neighbors. What if you made your community your Valentine this year?

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 5, 2026healthy relationships, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, attachment theory, attachment styles, valentine's day traditions, valentine's dayComment

How to Build Emotional Capacity (and Why It Matters, Especially Now)

Building capacity for stress is a skill that supports all of our relationships—and helps us cope more effectively with our daily challenges and our greater emotional landscape. This type of work is especially important in the context of attachment theory, relationships, and attachment styles: we can ALL use skills that support us in engaging in relationships with a greater capacity for discomfort.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 27, 2026attachment theory, attachment style, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, healthy relationships, community support, advocacy, attachment coaching, attachment specialistComment

3 Skills to Cultivate for Healthier Relationships This Year: Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E3

Let’s talk about concrete, practical skills that can support you in having healthier, more fulfilling, and reciprocal relationships this year.

In a world that seems to be consistently generating new injustices, fears, and concerns about the safety of people we love, I want us to feel a sense of agency in how we show up in our relationships.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 20, 2026attachment theory, healthy relationships, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, attachment styles, attachment specialist, attachment therapist, relationship skillsComment

What I Wish I Knew About Relationships In the Past–And What I’m Working on Now: Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E2

Relationships, attachment styles, boundaries, and the hard-won lessons I've learned over the course of my relational life--that's what we're chatting about in Episode 2 of Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 15, 2026attachment styles, attachment theory, attachment specialist, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, healthy relationshipsComment

Why I'm Devoted to Becoming Relational and You Should Be Too: Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW S1E1

Welcome to the very first episode of Becoming Relational! I'm Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW and I'm so grateful you're here with me. In this episode, I discuss my passion for relationships, my own path to becoming an attachment specialist, and why I believe compassionate, nuanced connection is so vital in our world today.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 8, 2026elizabeth gillette, becoming relational with elizabeth gillette, podcast, attachment theory, attachment specialistComment

heirloom counseling blog

© 2018 Heirloom Counseling