Since the start of the year, I have been really leaning into exploring the parts of my personality that I would rather not look at—the parts I’m shameful or embarrassed about, and the ones that I try to hide or keep at bay but always, always show up at some point in my relationships.
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I remember so many times in my early romantic relationships (and honestly, some adult friendships) when I truly did ignore all the warnings, some of them as blatant as “I do not want to be in a relationship right now.”
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I want to talk about anxious attachment behaviors, impulses, and tendencies. I remember viscerally how it feels to be in relationship with someone who leans toward the avoidant end of the relational spectrum as a person who has the anxious style—and I would describe it as torturous at times, to be completely honest.
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I’ve been thinking a lot about small changes and foundational aspects of our relationships to ourselves and the people we love most. Small changes can have huge impacts (see below about the new book I’ve started!) in both directions—positive and negative.
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“The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything and everything we can save is worth saving."—Rebecca Solnit
You may have heard that Western North Carolina was hit by Hurricane Helene, hundreds of miles from any coast, and the outcomes have been beyond devastating. To say the damage to the place we live is catastrophic doesn't even seem to scratch the surface of what our community is experiencing.
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It’s important for us to understand our parts and what they are trying to do when we are using an attachment lens. These parts can give us so much information about our needs and what would be helpful and supportive to us in our current relationships (or inform us about what we really want and need in a partnership if we aren’t in one currently and want to be).
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Our environment is one of constant distraction, overwhelm, dysregulation and the desire to be almost anywhere that you are not currently. What if our work is to learn to channel those feelings into what matters most and let go of the rest?
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I’ve received a few strongly-worded emails about my offerings (including the fact that Monica and I are including a bonus astrology reading in our HELD group coaching program, because astrology is not "evidence-based"), and I wanted to address it directly because I feel like it connects to some greater issues that I see at play in the therapy/healing world currently.
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In this eclipse time, where the things we don’t need are falling away left and right, I want to offer some permission slips for you:
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One of the things I love most about being an attachment therapist and working with attachment styles is teaching clients and their important people how to soothe the specific wounds of each style. Depending on your relationships growing up, you likely experience certain aspects of relationships as particularly painful, tender, or vulnerable.
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