Every Modality is a Framework

Hi there!

I’ve received a few strongly-worded emails about my offerings (including the fact that Monica and I are including a bonus astrology reading in our HELD group coaching program, because astrology is not "evidence-based"), and I wanted to address it directly because I feel like it connects to some greater issues that I see at play in the therapy/healing world currently. This post is just the surface of this conversation, but I think it’s important. I also feel the need to set a boundary around my work and what better way to practice what I preach than to share this with you!

I believe there is a need to examine what we call “evidence based practices” (EBP) in therapy. First, I want to say that having training, experience, and a deep understanding of a specific modality is important to offering good support in a therapeutic relationship. I personally have spent many years learning about and practicing attachment theory work so that I can offer it with integrity in my therapy offerings. EBPs are critical to an ethical practice of counseling/therapy and it is necessary to have clear guidelines around how to support people in this work. I want that to be abundantly clear.

And of course, there is nuance here. Who created the EBPs that are most popular? Who did the research? Who were the participants? Why are those practices valued over others that have not been researched as well (and why haven’t they?). Do practices that have less research also have less value? What does it mean if we subscribe to this belief, and who does it include or exclude in our work? As you might guess, there is a bias toward practices created by white men, researched on white men. This is true across fields that utilize EBPs. I think pondering these questions instead of making assumptions about those practices being “better” is really important when it comes to offering and engaging in healing work. Personally, I have a lot of questions that aren’t answered yet, but I strive to stay curious and open about these possibilities.

There are many cultural, social, religious and other practices that can provide benefit to people who are looking for support. As a practitioner, I don’t get to decide what works for people and what doesn’t—THEY do. I offer what feels resonant for me, what I love to share and how I tend to frame challenges, and I do my best to meet people where they are. Just because a practice has not been well-studied or given a certain label does not mean that it cannot be helpful or supportive for someone in their healing work. There are times when my clients share the supportive work they are engaging in outside of our sessions and I have absolutely no idea what they are talking about—and I get to learn from them, which is wonderful. Does it mean that I would use that work in my sessions or personally? No. As you can see, it could be easy to move into a place of condescension around what is considered worthwhile in the healing world—and unfortunately, I think that happens pretty regularly.

Every modality is a framework. If I am educated in a modality (or know someone who is), I believe it is highly ethical for me to share that information or refer to another person who is skilled in that area because my clients deserve to have every bit of opportunity for healing. Here are some modalities that my clients have shared have supported them most in their healing (in addition to the attachment work we do together):

Bird watching
Pickle ball
Meditation
Baking sourdough bread
Raising children
Traveling
Gardening
Writing
Tarot
Being in nature

When it comes to the work I put out into the world these days, the real truth is that I’m not in a place in my life anymore where I try to please everyone. I did that for a long time and it pulled me out of my integrity more than once. It’s just not worth it and it’s impossible to boot. I also just don’t have the energy anymore (I envy those of you whose children are inclined to sleep regularly!). I am a therapist and a coach, a mother and a partner and a human, and that means that I have a host of interests and things that are important to me. I am not a blank slate or simply a mirror for anyone I work with or relate to (and to assume I am would be a mistake).

People are drawn to me because I am dynamic and whole. I work hard to be a person of integrity. I give a lot of thought to my offerings. I am positive that some of them will not all align for you, but I hope that if you are here, you feel some connection to me and the work that I do. My goal is always to be transparent, honest, and real with you about my healing and the healing that I hope for you. If something does not resonate for you, it is okay to not register for that offering. If it's a part of an offering, it's okay to not attend that specific part if the rest feels good. It’s okay to notice why it didn’t land for you or even why it triggered you or EVEN be annoyed with me or how I’m showing up. But I ask that you not reach out to me to tell me that you don’t find me credible anymore or that you no longer respect me or that you don’t see me as professional. That language and that action speaks much more about you than it does about me.

Every modality is a framework. Frameworks help us understand ourselves and others better. You get to choose what works for you and create your own approach to your healing. There will never be a one size fits all option, for me or for you. Please approach each other with kindness and respect and reverence for all of our healing journeys.

And as far as exploring different frameworks, I have found healing in SO many different modes of healing in this wild and wonderful world:

• Astrology has helped me see the bigger picture and context of my life and reminded me that I’m both important and not important at all. I need that reminder, especially when I get bogged down in daily life and existential stress.

• Internal family systems has helped me love the parts of myself that I thought were totally unlovable, and also help me discover the ways in which all of my parts interact with each other and create the unique human that I am.

• The Enneagram has helped me understand my motivation for my work and how I show up the way I do in the world.

• Attachment theory has helped me have compassion for my past self in relationships and integrity in my present and future self. It has supported me in recognizing just how important relationships are and how to treat them with care and love.

I hope you hear these words with love and they give you the courage to get clear about what works for you and what is okay and not okay. And of course, if my approach doesn’t feel resonant for you anymore, I encourage you to unsubscribe and I wish you the absolute best moving forward. I mean that.

Thank you for giving me the spaciousness and permission to be the fullest and most dynamic version of myself in this world. I hope you know how much I care for you and how important it is for me to show up with integrity. I hope to keep doing that for a very long time.

Big hugs,

Elizabeth