How Many Truths Can Be True At Once?
In this eclipse time, where the things we don’t need are falling away left and right, I want to offer some permission slips for you:
You get to change your mind
You get to make mistakes
You get to mis-speak
You get to have a bad day
You get to circle back and repair
You get to believe two things at once
You get to be more than one thing, even if that’s confusing to people (or even you)
You get to be messy
You get to be inconvenient or even annoying to people
You get to take time to make decisions
You get to wish you had done it differently and next time, you can
You get to be imperfect (because there is no such thing as perfect; you can use your energy elsewhere)
I’m giving you permission as much as I’m giving it to myself! I’ve been making all kinds of mistakes, stepping on toes, and frustrating people. There is no way that we can be palatable to every single person we encounter. I am not in any way above being accountable for those things and I have had to do some soul searching around my desire to rush to get things done without thinking, or the pressure I’ve felt to move forward on something when I wasn’t ready, or the tunnel vision I get when I see a goal and want to achieve it. I’ve been practicing repair in my real life with the people I love and care about when I completely f*ck up (because it happens), AND I have also had to be discerning around times when I’m speaking a personal truth or setting a boundary and someone just doesn’t like it. Those things are different. There is a version of me who lives inside who starts panicking when people become uncomfortable or don’t like what I have to say, and I have a deep impulse to try to fix or take care of them when it’s not my job. I’ve been spending a lot of time reassuring that part that she doesn’t have to fix or change but instead continue to spend time getting to know herself so she can feel more confident speaking up and out when she needs to.
As I get older, I get more grounded into the belief that the people who love us, who truly see us for who we are, will be able to create space for our humanity. They will give us permission to make mistakes and take accountability and apologize (it doesn’t mean they won’t be hurt—but they also won’t hang it over our heads forever). People who are willing to let us go the first time we encounter a relational rupture are not the people we can grow with, and it’s not up to us to convince them to stay. What we can do is practice being in our integrity and getting back into when we leave it, which is inevitable because we are human beings, and acknowledging the work we are doing to try to be better.
I hope you’re doing okay out there. There is a lot swirling in our world and I can feel the anxious energy underlying a lot of interactions I’m having recently. How about you? I also want to share that we are still accepting applications for our next round of HELD group coaching if you’d like to be a part of a cohort of folks who are working to be the best versions of themselves in relationships and in the world. I really do feel like the group aspect of HELD is what makes it so valuable (in addition to the 2.5+ hours of contact you can have with the group and myself/Monica each week).
This time around, we are offering this group on a sliding scale and with a payment plan to create as much accessibility as we can. If you are interested and wondering if this group is right for you, please use the contact form to reach out. You can find the short application here. This is the only time this year we are offering this group! We are so excited to collaborate with you.
Please take good care of yourself!
Warmly,
Elizabeth