A peek at my most "annoying" part and a vulnerable ask

Hi there!

I hope you are enjoying your summer! My little family and I spent 10 days at the Outer Banks and had such a wonderful time watching our kids soak up the beauty of the ocean and play with their cousins. There of course were challenging moments, lots of sand, and a very long drive, but it was absolutely worth it.

Around this time of year, as I feel the air begin to change and the energy start to shift toward school starting, I tend to notice patterns in how I feel. I have a part that feels very driven to ruminate (you might call it nostalgic, but it's more annoying than that). It’s exhausting actually, because when this part comes up, it tries to my thoughts and focus on events that happened two decades ago! This part spends a lot of time showing me both sweet and connective moments as well as times where I showed up (very) imperfectly and hurt someone. It wants to remind me of the impact I have in relationships. When I ask the part what would happen if it stopped doing it’s job, it says “we would all forget everything that has happened,” and I have a lot of compassion for a part that is holding that much responsibility. When I spend time with this part, I realize that it has so much reverence for the past. I’m a reverent person in general and I believe that even small connections matter. Relationships I had when I was young matter. Those formative connections are meaningful, even if I wasn’t my wisest self. But it doesn’t help me to spend so much time thinking about them or wondering what may have happened if things had gone differently because I have learned to trust myself and the decisions I've made. I would be better served by listening to the ten minute version of All Too Well by Taylor Swift and calling it a day :)

But honestly, it’s important for us to understand our parts and what they are trying to do when we are using an attachment lens. These parts can give us so much information about our needs and what would be helpful and supportive to us in our current relationships (or inform us about what we really want and need in a partnership if we aren’t in one currently and want to be). I remind this part that I won’t forget what I did, how I showed up, the mistakes I made, or the love I’ve had in the past—because those moments make me who I am. I don’t think I would do attachment-focused work if I hadn’t had a very difficult time in my early romantic partnerships. I wouldn’t understand attachment theory in adult relationships the way that I do if I didn’t know what it was like to feel incredibly anxious and insecure. Those experiences shape me and they give me compassion for myself and for you and what you have gone through. They also give me compassion for our culture as a whole, and the fact that we are in a phase of life where relationships just don’t seem to matter as much.

I think they matter, and I know you do too.

As I come to understand myself better, and as I approach my last year in my 30s (my birthday is Friday!), I want to continue to home in on the specific ways that I offer this work in the world. I understand that my approach is just *one* way, but I think it’s a good way (and ever-evolving, of course). Sometimes I have a difficult time naming exactly what it is that I do and how it’s supportive. And with that, I have a vulnerable ask: if you are someone who has been impacted by my work, would you mind responding to this post and letting me know what that has been like for you? Even just naming what it is that I do (or how I do it) would be such a lovely gift as I celebrate my birthday this week and consider what I want to bring into my last year in this decade. It would also help the ruminating part come back to the present moment and understand that this is who I am now and that I am bringing all of my experiences and wisdom with me as I move forward. Thank you in advance, if you have a moment to do this!

I also want to share that the theme of the retreat I am co-hosting in September is Honoring the Past, Welcoming the Present. We will be exploring ways to honor the past versions of ourselves and appreciate them for all they have done for us and how they have gotten us to where we are. We will also celebrate the most current version of us. There will be attachment-focused workshops, a group astrology reading with the incredible Liz Gunn, delicious food curated and crafted by David Rich of Sweet Potato Tooth, yoga, optional dips in the creek, and quiet time for reflection, journaling, and rest. I truly am just as excited to participate in this retreat as I am to host it, and I think it's beautiful timing given all that is happening in our world. It's important for us to come back to ourselves, reconnect with our values, and be sure we are living in alignment with our intentions. If you are interested, please let me know! I would also be honored if you would share out to your networks because we all know that social media is a black hole and the people who are most likely to resonate with this offering probably aren't seeing it and don't know about it. Thank you :)

I am sending you so much love. Thank you for being with me here in this world, for seeing me through as I walk my own path alongside you. It truly is a joy.

Warmly,

Elizabeth