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Are you projecting your old wounding on to new people?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how our old relationship patterns show up over and over again in our lives, and how we have opportunity after opportunity to heal those patterns with new people. I see it every day in myself and the people around me (and once you see it, you can’t unsee, so get ready!).

Elizabeth GilletteApril 5, 2022anxious attachment, attachment styles, anxious, anxious-ambivalent, fearful avoidant, secure, secure attachment style, secure attachment, insecure attachment Comment

What you don’t heal follows you

I hope you are doing well and February is feeling more ease-full than January (I’m not sure what your January was like, but mine was LONG).

Like many of us, I’ve been hard at work in my own personal therapy on processing some of the difficult experiences I’ve gone through and growing my awareness of the old patterns I carry with me, many of which I don’t even realize are still hanging around. And just like my clients, I have had several moments where I’ve said out loud “I honestly thought I worked through that already! Why is it coming up for me again?” My answer to myself recently has been this: healing has many layers.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 8, 2022avoidant attachment triggers, anxious attachment, attachment styles, anxious avoidant trap, anxious, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, attachment style, attachment theory, avoidant attachment, attachment, disorganized attachment, avoidant dismissive Comments

Online Course Sale, Updates, and TEND!

I have some updates for you this week!

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 19, 2021online courses, online course, avoidant partner, avoidant attachment style, avoidant, anxious, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, anxious avoidant dynamic, sec, secure attachment style, secure attachment relationship, di Comment

Attachment Work is Worth It

My partner and I were recently discussing our time in couples therapy a few years ago. I’m not sure how we stumbled on the subject, but it was sweet to recall where we were at that time in our relationship and all the progress we’ve made and the growth we’ve experienced since that time. I’m going to be honest—we were struggling. We had gotten married just a few months earlier and all of a sudden it felt like (pardon my language) shit got real. We knew that if we continued engaging in the pattern of having a big argument, feeling resentful and frustrated with no solution, moving on and trying to ignore the problem, then starting all over again, our relationship would be so damaged we might not be able to come back from it.

Elizabeth GilletteMay 10, 2021attachment styles, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious partner, anxious avoidant dynamic, avoidant partner, avoidant dismissive, avoidant, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, avoidant attachment Comment

How Not to Lose Yourself in a Relationship

I used to be a person who would lose herself in romantic partnerships. And to be honest, over the past 14 months of being a mother and experiencing a global pandemic, I’ve felt whispers of those times in my life. Who am I anymore? What do I like? What is it like to maintain some of my energy for myself rather than constantly investing it in others?

Elizabeth GilletteApril 12, 2021anxious, anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious partner, anxious attachment style, secure attachment, secure attachment relationship Comment

What you need to know about your avoidant partner (and what they’re thinking about you)

First, I want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the Pay What You Please Online Course Event last week. Every time you share my blog or courses with someone else, you support my life’s work and help my little family stay afloat during this very weird time. If you purchased a course, I can’t wait to hear from you (anytime, even if you purchased one long ago!)—please shoot me an email or fill out the survey at the end to let me know how I can keep providing the material that is interesting and helpful to you.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 30, 2020anxious-avoidant, anxious avoidant dynamic, anxious attachment, anxious-ambivalent, attachment styles, signs an avoidant loves you Comments

What are you healing in your family?

When I created Heirloom Counseling, my intention was to bring focus to the fact that our relational patterns are passed down from generation to generation. This means we have the opportunity to heal our entire family line when we show up to do the work in the present moment. This realization is incredibly powerful if we believe we have the tools to engage in relationships with integrity and awareness. If not, this task can feel overwhelming and pressured.

Elizabeth GilletteDecember 17, 2018attachment theory, attachment style, anxious avoidant dynamic, anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, healthy relationships, relationship anxiety, relationship counseling, healing, intergenerational healing Comment

Relationships Are Everything

The title of this blog comes from adrienne maree brown, the author of Emergent Strategy. Her words are like a hug from someone who tells it to you so directly that there is no way to misinterpret their words. You trust their opinion and value their experience and know you are in the presence of someone powerful. That’s how I feel about adrienne.

As I stepped back this weekend and took inventory of my life and relationships (to my favorite beings, projects, spaces, and communities), I realized that in sharing my belief that we are here to take care of each other, I want to be incredibly specific about what that means.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 26, 2018attachment theory, relationship anxiety, relationships, anxious avoidant dynamic, anxious-ambivalent, fearful avoidant, heirloom counseling Comments

The Top 10 Things I Say In Therapy (plus a FLASH SALE!)

Each therapist has a different style. I like to think that mine is supportive and reminds people that they already have so much knowledge—and sometimes we need someone to reflect that wisdom back to us. In using the attachment framework I talk about so often in my blog, my goal is to deepen my clients’ understanding of their early (and current) life experiences and provide a fresh perspective so they can move toward healing. We all deserve healing and we all deserve support. That is how I approach every single session.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 12, 2018anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, therapy, counseling, heirloom counseling, avoidant, avoidant partner, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant dynamic, relationships, relationship anxiety, marriage counseling Comment

Nonmonogamy and Attachment

Relationship structures continue to evolve. As people become more conscious and aware of how they show up in relationships and the work good relationships require, I see folks becoming more creative in the ways they get their needs met and how they meet their partners needs. The concept of nonmonogamy is not new by any means, but the words “open relationship” and “polyamory” are making their way into mainstream conversations about love, attachment, and partnership more and more often.

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 17, 2018attachment styles, attachment, nonmonogamy, relationships, partnerships, communication, attachment style, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, anxious avoidant trap, anxious attachment style, anxious ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious avoidant dynamic, how to self soothe anxious attachment Comments

On Commitment

I believe that in relationships of any kind, we have to know the foundation of our choice to commit. It’s important to understand the reasons we choose to commit because our emotions and feelings are not always consistent. I love my partner very much, but when I am overwhelmed or grieving or processing trauma, I don’t see that as clearly or feel it as deeply…

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 3, 2018commitment, secure attachment, insecure attachment, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, anxious avoidant trap, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive, 28 day commitment to healthier relationships Comment

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