Twenty years ago, I had just turned 18 and my dad hadn’t died yet.
I was preparing to move for my first year of college. I was working as a hostess at a restaurant, eating baguette and butter for dinner most nights I was there. I was in a relationship with a person who was exceptionally intelligent and emotionally manipulative, and I felt like I didn’t deserve anything more than I already had, in that relationship or otherwise. My self-esteem was tanked and I was depressed.
I have something exciting to share:
I'm bored in my business, and I am thrilled about this!
Don’t get me wrong—I absolutely love attachment work and that love isn't going anywhere. I began my private therapy practice in 2015 and dove headfirst into all things attachment. From my training in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples to the first three levels of Dynamic Attachment Repatterning, I've been thoroughly immersed in the world of attachment theory for many years. The resonance I feel with this work is core-deep.
This blog post is a follow-up to a previously published post, Is Your Partner Avoidant or Abusive? Let’s talk about the differences. This post continues to receive comments and engagement, and I want to continue the discussion here with additional nuance and updated considerations.
Read MoreI hope you’re enjoying early springtime. Here in the mountains of Western North Carolina, so much is already blooming and I’m soaking it all in on my short walks (waddles?) with my dog. I’m 37 weeks pregnant and even though our initial plans were to have a non-surgical birth this time around, it looks like we are headed that direction after all. This sweet baby is happy to sit head-up in their cozy uterus hammock and just like with my first, seems to be asking us to come get them. So my mantra lately has been “okay love, I hear you. Stay put. We are coming for you. We will be there so soon.”
Read MoreOur abilities to reach out and ask for help or set boundaries or state our needs are truly skills that we need to understand and practice in order to utilize them effectively and feel the benefits of them—which looks like deeper connections, greater vulnerability and sharing, and a felt sense of safety and reciprocity with the people we care about most.
Read MoreHappy Winter Solstice! I love taking time to do some reflection around the Solstice—I think it’s such a powerful ritual so we can get clear about what has worked and what hasn’t, what we are grateful for, and what we want to carry with us and cultivate in the next year.
Read MoreI’m so happy to be here checking in with you—it’s been a wild few weeks in our house. After recovering from several viruses, we finally got COVID and it was as terrible as I suspected it might be! We are on the mend now and I’m more grateful for our health than ever. I know lots of folks have been through it lately, whether it’s health-related challenges or just a lot arising in relationships and the collective. I want you to know that I see you and I know it’s hard, but we are moving through it one day at a time.
Read MoreHas anyone else been feeling ALL the things lately? In most every session I have with folks, we are reflecting on the general “weirdness” of the collective right now. We have been holding so much for a long time, and it’s just been…hard. If you’re feeling it, I want to remind you that you aren’t alone and just like everything else, I think these strange times are a phase that will certainly shift. Practicing sitting with the discomfort of the moment is helpful (for now and always), taking the very best care of yourself that you can, and reaching out to and staying connected with the people who can see you, hold you, and love you when things become difficult are all good places to put your energy. We are going to get through it!
Read MoreThis time of year always reminds me of when I found out I was in remission from cancer.
If you’ve been here a while, you know I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma when I was 21—a softball sized tumor under my arm indicated that I needed to begin chemotherapy immediately, which caused me to delay my entrance into graduate school, lose all my hair, need to be cared for and cooked for during chemo weeks, have 20 rounds of radiation therapy, and ultimately shift my entire life path.
Read MoreWe learn to love ourselves through our relationships with other people. This is supportive if you grew up in an environment where your caregivers and family members encouraged you to express and stay true to yourself, honor your needs, and stand up for yourself in challenging moments.
Read MoreEmbodiment and connection to self is one of the most important ways we can improve our relationships with others. Developing awareness of our emotional patterns, parts, triggers, and needs allows us to communicate more effectively and slow down the relational process so we can really see one another. Feeling more at home in yourself is a beautiful gift to give and receive, and I’m really excited to share an embodiment opportunity with you!
Read MoreNow that I’ve done this work for a while, I’m able to see that there are a lot of different ways to utilize attachment theory. I think the most effective way to utilize attachment theory is using approachable and inclusive materials, dropping in to the body, and creating resources and strategies that build a felt sense of safety.
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