Relationships Are Everything

The title of this blog comes from adrienne maree brown, the author of Emergent Strategy. Her words are like a hug from someone who tells it to you so directly that there is no way to misinterpret their words. You trust their opinion and value their experience and know you are in the presence of someone powerful. That’s how I feel about adrienne.

As I stepped back this weekend and took inventory of my life and relationships (to my favorite beings, projects, spaces, and communities), I realized that in sharing my belief that we are here to take care of each other, I want to be incredibly specific about what that means.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 26, 2018attachment theory, relationship anxiety, relationships, anxious avoidant dynamic, anxious-ambivalent, fearful avoidant, heirloom counseling Comments

What Do You Appreciate About Your Partner?

This time of year, there is a lot of talk about gratitude. I love that we are having this conversation and it makes me sad that we don’t extend our appreciation of this practice to other times of the year. Gratitude has also become a buzz word and when that happens, we hear it but it doesn’t really land anymore. It becomes part of the noise in social media that we scroll through without much thought.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 19, 2018relationships, partnerships, attachment styles, heirloom counseling, growth, connectionComment

The Top 10 Things I Say In Therapy (plus a FLASH SALE!)

Each therapist has a different style. I like to think that mine is supportive and reminds people that they already have so much knowledge—and sometimes we need someone to reflect that wisdom back to us. In using the attachment framework I talk about so often in my blog, my goal is to deepen my clients’ understanding of their early (and current) life experiences and provide a fresh perspective so they can move toward healing. We all deserve healing and we all deserve support. That is how I approach every single session.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 12, 2018anxious-ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, therapy, counseling, heirloom counseling, avoidant, avoidant partner, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant dynamic, relationships, relationship anxiety, marriage counseling Comment

Getting Clear: An Organized List of Blog Posts, from Me to You

People share their stories with me and often ask questions, like “what do I do next? How should I move forward? Do you know of any resources for this?” Because sometimes they just need a bit of information that will support them in approaching their challenges with as much integrity and love as possible. That is where my writing comes in. I want resources to feel accessible to you. We should have access to information to support us as we work to heal ourselves and our relationships. Sometimes we don’t have the capacity to read an entire book or even if we do, we don’t experience the connection and support we might when we talk to a real person who has done the work, too.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 5, 2018attachment theory, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant dynamic, fearful avoidant, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, anxious ambivalent, healthy relationships, anxiety, relationships, partner Comments

What does it mean to do the work in relationships? (and some hard truths)

Today, I want to share some of what I believe it means to do the work in relationships. This list is derived from my own journey toward security and relationship health as well as my professional trainings and clinical experience; it’s not exhaustive by any means, but includes some topics that I don’t think we read about in popular books or magazines.

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 29, 2018attachment theory, attachment styles, effective communication, mental health, counselor, relationship anxiety, attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment Comments

Your Phone Might Be Ruining Your Attachment Relationships

If there is one thing I could suggest to couples who are experiencing disconnection in their relationships, it’s this:

Put you phones down and look at each other.

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 22, 2018anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, effective communication, attachment theory, counseling, heirloom counseling, relationship counseling, therapy, marriage counseling, avoidant partner Comment

Secure Attachment in Practice: Interview with Dr. Ikeranda Smith

I'm excited to bring you an interview this week from a very special person about a very important topic. The practice of secure attachment takes time, attention, and energy--it doesn't "just happen." A high level of awareness and some education can translate to more connection and attunement in relationships, which means more satisfying interactions and a greater sense of support…

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 15, 2018secure attachment, healing, anxious ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive Comment

What are your barriers to connection?

You know how important connection is to relationships and a fulfilling life—you wouldn’t be here otherwise. Connection is one of those things we talk about in a vague way, as if everyone just has it and you can find it conveniently. But I don’t think that’s true…

We don’t need anything more than we need each other.

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 8, 2018connection, healing, self worth, heirloom counseling, healthy relationships Comment

We Are Here to Take Care of Each Other

This moment in history is not new; I know in my heart and feel in my body that we have been here before, that people of color and queer folks and other marginalized groups have been feeling this pain for as long as they have been alive. We must honor and acknowledge that if we are going to step forward with integrity…

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 1, 2018anxious avoidant trap, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, healthy relationships, secure attachment, insecure attachment, healing Comment

Healing Shouldn't Be a Privilege

Most of the people I love have had difficult life experiences at some point. All of us have experienced something difficult before. What matters most is how we perceived those events. How we feel about our difficult experiences matters. In fact, it’s what matters most about a difficult event…

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 24, 2018healthy relationships, 28 day commitment to healthier relationships, healing, secure attachment, anxious attachment, how to self soothe anxious attachment, avoidant attachment Comment

Nonmonogamy and Attachment

Relationship structures continue to evolve. As people become more conscious and aware of how they show up in relationships and the work good relationships require, I see folks becoming more creative in the ways they get their needs met and how they meet their partners needs. The concept of nonmonogamy is not new by any means, but the words “open relationship” and “polyamory” are making their way into mainstream conversations about love, attachment, and partnership more and more often.

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 17, 2018attachment styles, attachment, nonmonogamy, relationships, partnerships, communication, attachment style, anxious-avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, anxious avoidant trap, anxious attachment style, anxious ambivalent, anxious attachment, anxious avoidant dynamic, how to self soothe anxious attachment Comments

On Commitment

I believe that in relationships of any kind, we have to know the foundation of our choice to commit. It’s important to understand the reasons we choose to commit because our emotions and feelings are not always consistent. I love my partner very much, but when I am overwhelmed or grieving or processing trauma, I don’t see that as clearly or feel it as deeply…

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 3, 2018commitment, secure attachment, insecure attachment, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, anxious avoidant trap, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive, 28 day commitment to healthier relationships Comment

heirloom counseling blog

© 2018 Heirloom Counseling