What Does It Mean to Be Attached? Why Does Attachment Matter?

Integrating the concept of attachment has completely changed how I engage in my practice with clients and in my personal relationships. I'm really excited to be sharing this information with you! I’m spending the month of February reflecting on the concept of attachment and the power it holds in our lives when we fully embrace it and understand it. Attachment and love go hand in hand—and having a deeper appreciation for attachment can help us have more love and joy in our lives. I'm pretty into that!

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 5, 2018attachment, relationships, secure attachment, insecure attachment, love, partnershipComment

Saying No Is Your Friend--Here's How

Hi! I’ve been thinking a lot about saying no lately. Meghan O’Malley and I just finished our very first #nopeAF: A Boundaries Workshop for Women on Saturday, and it was AMAZING. We talked a lot about saying no, and also a lot about saying yes—when we really feel enthusiastic and aligned with what we’re saying yes to.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 28, 2018boundaries, self-care, self worth, healing, heirloom counseling Comment

How will YOU show up this year?

Hi! Wowza—anyone still recovering from the doozy of a year that was 2017? I can feel that the energy has shifted and 2018 is definitely here, but I think my nervous system is still catching up. I’ve tried to be extra gentle with myself over the past few weeks as I navigated traveling and an office move, and I have been giving myself some space to envision the role I’d like Heirloom to play in our communities and how I want to show up as a business owner, clinician, and human being over the next year.

A Year in Review

I have found personally and professionally that December can be equal parts joy and heaviness. I’ve talked about my mixed feelings about the month of December in a previous blog, and those still stand. I have also found a deep appreciation for utilizing December as a time to review your experiences, emotions, and relationships of the past year, and slow down enough to recognize all that has shifted in your world. It’s easy to be swept up in the chaos and joy of the holiday season, but maybe the time we spend reviewing the year is our opportunity to take care of ourselves and really appreciate the beauty and messiness of our day-to-day life.

Elizabeth GilletteDecember 13, 2017healthy relationships, heirloom counseling, self-care, self love Comment

December: Birth and Loss

I am no stranger to loss—of people I love, relationships, seasons of my life, and health. I have been to more funerals than I’d like to share. I have looked death in the face personally in my experience with cancer. I was barely 18 when my father died unexpectedly and left me with more questions than answers about who he was and what our relationship could have been like. These experiences shape me, but they don’t define me. I would never wish these things on anyone, but I wouldn’t change them either. I am more compassionate, loving, open, and caring than I ever thought I could be. My heart is open and vulnerable, and I do the work to allow this (side note: it’s really hard). And that’s the way I choose to live my life.

Elizabeth GilletteDecember 13, 2017birth, loss, grief, heirloom counseling, vulnerability Comment

How Practical Love Can Warm Our Hearts

December is a weighted month for me. As I’ve explored in the blog before, I often feel the excitement of the holidays and time with family, and I feel sad and a bit lonely. The cold starts settling in and I crave coziness, warmth, and home. More than ever before, the times we live in are uncertain. We are entering a time in our society where we will likely see major shifts. Where we will be expected to show up differently in our lives than we have before. The shifts may be subtle or they may be significant. They may be welcomed or they may be terrifying. As someone who likes to have as much information as possible and plan accordingly, I’ve been sitting with these concepts and trying to decide where to focus my energy for this month and create as much positive energy and love as I can in the world.

So I’ve decided on practical love.

Elizabeth GilletteDecember 2, 2017love, relationships, partnership, marriage, connection Comment

Boundaries are Badass

I strongly believe that boundaries are necessary in order for us to be truly happy and successful. Boundaries are critical, and "no" is our friend. The thing about boundaries is that often you don’t know you don’t have them. Many of us can get far in our lives, be praised even, for not having boundaries. Especially in our family of origin, our schools, and our culture in general. Even more so as women. We learn that in order to “earn” love, we must sacrifice our desires, comfort, and consent.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 20, 2017boundaries, self love, self worth, self-care, self care, heirloom counseling Comment

Emptying Our Suitcase Hearts: Letting Go of What Holds Us Back

If you are a human being who has had any experience on this earth with other human beings, you probably have some emotional baggage. If you have a family, you definitely do. Some of us have more than others, and some of us are more aware of how much we carry with us. Bottom line: we all carry experiences from our past, and they often show up in situations where they aren't really welcome or invited. During times of transition or change, this emotional baggage can become very apparent. So can the importance of figuring out how to let it go.

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 19, 2017letting go, let go, healing, healing journey, heal, self-care, self love Comment

Healing the Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Pattern

We know that the interplay between anxious and avoidant attachment styles is one of the most common—and I believe it’s because there is so much healing opportunity if we can increase our awareness of this dynamic and actively make changes. It can also be the most painful if we don’t take steps to address the ways we are engaging in a negative cycle.

Scripts for Soothing: Avoidant Attachment Adaptation

In a previous blog post, I talked about strategies for soothing partners with an anxious attachment adaptation. As we talked about before, understanding our personal attachment styles as well as our partner’s can help us deescalate tricky relationship dynamics before they become blow-out arguments. In this post, we’ll be talking about soothing strategies for folks with an avoidant attachment adaptation.

When You Have Stayed in Your Relationship Too Long

No matter how it happens, break-ups are usually hard. Even if there is an element of relief or celebration or freedom, seeing another person saddened and hurt is hard to take, especially when that person is our partner. In long-term relationships, we become good friends, even best friends. We grow, and we change each other every day. Our own attachment beliefs, needs, and traumas are triggered within our relationship patterns and can cause us to stay in a relationship that is no longer fully joyful, healthy, or happy for us. Sometimes we are ready to put in the work that relationships require, and we are committed to doing that; but today I’m talking about relationships whose time has passed and the end is overdue for one or both of us.

Attachment Injuries: How do we fix this?

At Heirloom Counseling, my practice is rooted in attachment theory, the understanding that early relationships shape us and influence how we operate in our adult relationships. We learn from a young age if our environment is safe, if we can trust others, and if our needs will be met. Today, I am sharing information about what happens when a relationship experiences an attachment injury, and the security previously felt is suddenly absent.

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 26, 2017relationships, attachment, infidelity, partnership, marriageComment

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