I've been looking for a deep connection
I have always wanted more in relationships.
I remember being in elementary school, maybe 7 or 8, and deeply longing for a best friend. I had friends, but I always felt a little bit on the outside of those relationships. They would automatically play with each other at recess, and I had to ask to join; they sat next to each other at lunch, and I had to try to squeeze in or just choose to sit somewhere else. It wasn’t that they were being mean or intentionally excluding me as much as they were just in their own world together, and I wasn’t a part of it in a meaningful way until I was right there in front of them.
When I did develop a best friendship later on in middle school (hi Julayne!), it was everything I wanted it to be—we spent hours together, we told each other everything, we automatically knew who were hanging out with on the weekend, and we just claimed each other in every way possible. That relationship set so many standards for me in my life moving forward. I wanted to be chosen, to be seen, to be checked on, to be included and important and valued for the person I was.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve also had relationships that have felt disappointing for you. It’s hard to be the one in a relationship wanting more because it makes you vulnerable. By being that person, you are saying “I need more here because I want to feel important to you.” Some people are able to provide that and some people aren’t (and it’s really hard when those people mean a lot to you, but they just can’t show up in the way you had hoped). What I’m practicing these days is holding on to my desire for deep, meaningful connection with others AND letting go of my expectations that the people I want that from also want that with me. If they aren’t there for it, I don’t have to be either—and that is actually okay. It allows me to focus my attention and energy on the connections I have that are reciprocal and give me what I’ve always wanted in relationships. I can love them so much and also know and understand that I can get my needs met in other ways—and that’s freeing.
I also just want to name that if you are a person who wants more in relationships, you are wonderful just how you are. It’s not an easy place to be, but your people are out there just waiting for you—like deep dive connection mermaids :)
Many of us are looking for connections and containers that allow us to be seen fully, feel deeply cared for, and provide opportunities for us to challenge ourselves and walk our growth edges intentionally. I have had a challenging time finding a container like this that feels exactly in alignment for me, so I chose to create one with my dear deeply feeling friend and colleague, Monica Leblanc. We decided to create the thing we have both been yearning for.
HELD is an integrative attachment coaching program that begins this September. It’s virtual and multidisciplinary in nature, which means that we will be approaching attachment from many different frameworks, including the Enneagram, parts/Internal Family Systems work, astrology, somatics, anti-oppressive activism, and addressing diet culture, just to name a few. I have to tell you that this group is going to be so FUN and I need more of that in my life!
We also wanted to be very intentional about the structure of the group, knowing that people learn in different ways and may want to be more or less involved depending on their personal needs and current commitments.
We will have a weekly group meeting on Thursdays at 11am beginning September 12. We will meet each Thursday through December 8, with the exception of Thursday, November 24. This is the only aspect of the group that is “required”, although we very much hope you will participate in other ways!
Each participant will have the opportunity to access monthly individual coaching with Elizabeth or Monica because we believe personal work is just as important as group work and 1:1 time is valuable.
We will also host weekly office hours that are drop-in style, where participants can ask questions, bring topics for discussion, or get clarity around conversations happening on our online platform.
We will regularly update our private online platform with resources, tools, and practices to utilize throughout your time in the group.
I am completely and totally enthralled with this creation and I cannot wait to dig into this with you. Would you like to join us? You can learn more about HELD here!
If you have any questions for me, please don’t hesitate to respond to this email. I am so looking forward to connecting with you in a deeper way.
Warmly,
Elizabeth
P.S. The title of this blog was inspired by this song that I’ve been listening to on repeat for months!