Your younger parts want to know who is in charge 👶🏻

Hi there!

As I’ve been researching and planning for our disorganized attachment offerings, I’ve been thinking about how easy it can be to slip into younger versions of ourselves when stress, trauma, fear, or overwhelm creep in. Parts work, or Internal Family Systems, can be a beautiful and extremely helpful framework for understanding why we show up the way we do in moments of stress and anxiety—especially in our relationships. Our younger parts are used to handling those emotions and have created pathways to navigate the emotions they were born out of.

One of the things I’ve learned in this work is that our young parts that we carry with us are often looking for a grown up to step in and remind them that they are safe and worthy. When we experience trauma in childhood (especially in chaotic family dynamics), our parts learn that they have to figure out the stress OR figure out how to distance themselves from the threat if they can’t actually get away, which often looks like learning to dissociate and numb out. Children might become parentified and learn how to take care of responsibilities that are much too mature for their age, or to distract from the stress by developing a hilarious sense of humor, or by developing coping mechanisms that help in the moment but ultimately hurt in the long run.

Are you aware when your younger parts show up? Young parts might be very young or even teenage parts or somewhere in between. When they are present, do they worry? Minimize? Try to hide? Learning about the jobs and roles of each of your parts can help support them feeling heard, seen, and appreciated for the important work they’ve done—and maybe even encourage them to take a step back and let you take the lead.

Young parts often want to know:
Who will be there for me?
Who will keep me safe?
Who will protect me?

Healing can begin when your adult self, the person you are now, can breathe bigger than these younger parts and expand to hold them. Your adult self can ground into the present moment, gather these parts together, and say “I’m here. You aren’t alone. We aren’t leaving anyone behind. I’m going to keep you safe.”
Sometimes, our younger parts can protest or doubt us. They don’t believe us because they have had to do this work for so long! It may take some time to build trust with these parts and demonstrate that you are going to show up consistently and that they can really learn to depend on you to keep them safe. You don’t need to coax them or try to convince them. Instead, you will show them.

Consistently showing up and committing to this work is where the rubber meets the road—and it’s where I am so honored to collaborate with my clients. I have so many tools to share about how to do this healing work and help you make real progress in your relationship with yourself and the people you care about most. I have a number of offerings available this spring and I’m so proud to share them with you. I also have openings at the moment for therapy (which doesn’t happen often!) and coaching. I’m going to share my upcoming workshops: the Foundations of Disorganized Attachment THIS Friday with Monica Leblanc, as well as a Spring Refresh Workshop with Becca Odom later in the month to honor the Spring Equinox.

And finally, a HUGE announcement: I’m co-hosting a retreat! I have loved the option of doing virtual groups over the past few years but I’m very excited to offer an in-person retreat where I get to curate a beautiful weekend of healing where you are completely cared for. Monica and I are thrilled to share The HELD Retreat: An Attachment-Focused Weekend Immersion this September in Old Fort, NC at the amazing Indigo Nature Retreat. We will connect with each other, do some attachment work, engage in somatic practices, eat delicious food crafted by our own personal chef, and spend time in nature. I am beyond excited to share this offering and am so looking forward to connecting with you on this deep level. Slots are limited for this retreat so that we can offer an intimate experience, so I encourage you to submit your deposit if you’d like to attend.
That’s all for now! I can’t wait to hear how you are caring for your younger parts. Please feel free to let me know if any of this resonates with you, and how I might be able to support you further.

Take good care!

Warmly,

Elizabeth